As we discussed earlier, there are two primary signs that show the makings of a bad, unsatisfying relationship. Yet, there are many other characteristics that can detract from a fulfilling relationship. They aren’t necessarily “bad” but rather they may prove to frustrate the parties in a relationship; as always, it is largely dependent on the specific context and feel of that relationship.
Lack of commitment in relationships is one of these characteristics. Either individuals dislike the relationship, or they simply don’t have the time and energy to invest in it. The latter is usually true. Different relationships require different levels of commitment, and commitment doesn’t refer exclusively to personal relationships. Businesses want employees that can devote time to their relationship with the workplace and those in it.
Commitment and Dedication
Why it’s detrimental
This is a no-brainer –if the commitment of your friend/colleague/employee doesn’t tally with your own, it’s purely frustrating. This is because you lack the opportunities needed to derive value from that relationship, either through exchanging thoughts, sharing mere presence alone, or getting work done.
These relationships are also likely to slowly fall apart as they are sidelined and forgotten. The spark of the relationship –what made it feel good to be in –is gradually lost to time. Sometimes, we want to be in a particular relationship, but simply don’t have the time for it. Such a situation is detrimental in itself –it’s contradictory to what you truly desire.
Business-wise, uncommitted employees are largely frowned upon for obvious reasons. They don’t show up, they affect the work process, and they are prone to sending in subpar work.
Dealing with it
Don’t be antagonistic with those who lack commitment. No “Why don’t you spend time with me!?” or “I thought you cared about me!” The last thing you want to do is paint yourself as demanding. Doing so makes the prospect of committing to the relationship less desirable –people lack commitment when they don’t find value in committing. If they lack commitment due to time constraints or stress, adding to those burdens isn’t helping much. It might feel satisfying to let out your rage on them, but it isn’t going to actually remedy the situation.
Instead, focus on providing the opportunities for them to show commitment. Be the better person by being accommodating and understanding of their situations. Organize meet-ups that are convenient for them, and use those meet-ups to let them feel the value of the relationship. Of course, these thoughts apply mostly to personal relationships. Businesses can opt for this approach too, but don’t overlook a stricter approach if it is warranted.
How about you?
In the haste to deal with others and their lack of commitment, don’t forget to check yourself. Realizing lack of commitment within yourself is a tough feat. This happens because when you are in a position of stress and pressure, managing the relationships you have becomes secondary.
One thing you can do is to let those around you know when you can’t be as committed as you usually are. Express to them your (hopefully momentary) period of stress and let them know that you still care, but can’t devote that much time into the relationship.
Relationships are highly subjective and this article by no means could ever tackle this subjectivity. Take away what you feel is appropriate for your specific relationship and leave the rest behind.
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